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* Dodgy gifs * Appalling tags * Conrad Veidt's tunnel of love *

Posts tagged timecock:


I needed to do this.
Just kidding :p


I needed to do this.

Just kidding :p

(via timecocks)


"All or nothing, literally; what a glorious alternative!"

The Time Monster - season 09 - 1972

(via originallonemagpie)


The Master in Planet of Fire

#stop this immediately  

(via acitymadeofsong)

The History of the Timecock

ushas42 reminded me of this having happened somewhere in the mists of time, so now you get it on here. Written somewhere in 2008, so these only go up to Ten and Simm!Master. Don’t kill me.

The Doctors:

-Grumpy old penis who forgets where it’s supposed to go, jerks and bursts into unexpected giggle-fits. Hangs around with teenagers.

-Scruffy, smelly penis with a Beatles haircut, and half of it was burned off in the Sixties and Seventies (did wonders for the cock cheese, though).

-A tall, action-oriented penis with a shock of white hair, and mysterious tattoos along its length. Strangely drawn to military figures, ditzy blondes and short, swarthy hypnotists.

-A bohemian, surreal penis with a mop of unruly curls, unconstrained by underpants and with a tendency to ramble. Well-loved and fondly remembered for its ability to scare small children all over the world.

-A young, athletic, friendly penis, prone to panting and heaving and quivering in the presence of Anthony Ainley.

-A loud, arrogant penis with multicoloured pubic hair and a cat-themed Prince Albert. Prone to finishing when it has barely started, but compensates for it with ample girth. Biggusdickus Interruptus would be a more apposite epithet.

-A short, Scottish penis with dark undertones, loves to play circus gags, good friends with ferrets. Takes on the shape of a question mark when erect.

-A handsome, dashing, adventurous penis, full of potential but never quite lives up to its promises in its visual adventures. Compensates for this with a bad merkin, plenty of bare skin and lots of enthusiasm.

-A surly, Northern penis, slightly droopy when in the throes of PTSD, but nevertheless re-establishes a legend. Works on wood.

-A long, thin, ADHD penis with a wonky eye and gravity-defying hair. Gets more action than the previous nine put together, but its mood swings can sometimes render it into an unbearable cunttease/timecocktease/timeagentcocktease. Prone to leaking warm fluids at the drop of a hat, especially when deprived of John Simm. Generates astronomical amounts of heat and friction through wank, at which point viewer discretion/flame extinguishing foam/K-Y Jelly is advised.

And the Masters:

-A menacing Spanish penis with a droopy, melancholy look in its eye. Persistent and powerful, with hardly any refractory period at all. Dark, receding hair with gray go-faster stripes. Uses Clangers for condoms.

-Resembling a deep-fried Mars bar, this one has to be glued back on after each use.

-A strongly-built, imposing penis. The longest and thickest so far. Has a tendency to overshoot and dress up in counterfeit hair, but has incredible stamina and penetration. Caution must be taken in the proximity of felines, since these may cause spikes to develop.

-A slicked-back American penis. Too batshit to know where it’s going and what it’s supposed to do, resulting in an overall poor performance. Ejaculates copious amounts of acidic fluid. Best avoided.

-A vintage, Shakespearean penis. Spends most of its time in the throes of an identity crisis. Only reaches its full potential after careful stroking, golden artron showers, high-voltage electronic stimulation and a spare TARDIS have been made available.

-A hyperactive clown penis with a dark, narrow squint. Is it an evil godlike man’s penis? Is it that of an insufferable disruptive child’s? He can’t seem to decide. Fucks in an impeccable four-beat. Has a list of kinks longer than all of the others combined, ranging from relatively harmless phone harassment to rampant house elf-fisting. Approach at own peril.

Classic Doctor Who “The Time Monster”

(Source: teaonthewindowsill, via fangirlasplosian)


"But we’ll both be killed!"

The Sea Devils - season 09 - 1972

(via fuckyeahmaster)

(Source: invokeur, via acitymadeofsong)

(Source: pattroughton)

Ladies and gentlemen, my Doctor Who mugs. The police box one I got from the Doctor Who Experience in London in 2011 with the wonderful versaphile and I also got the Delgado!Master one from the huge Forbidden Planet in Seven Dials. The middle one is a Ghazal mug I designed myself and Versaphile and I got for ourselves from Zazzle:3 It has a happily squinting, beturbanned Simm!Master at the front and a tufty, bondage-collared Ten on the reverse :3




“isn’t that a little gay” my friend asks

“yes” i respond as i look at the miniature homosexual sitting on my desk “it is”



(Source: there-th3re, via acitymadeofsong)

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